I'm Only Me When I'm With You
by ksjf2012
Summary: So if you've read Your not alone and Your Biggest Fan...read this...i bet you'll Like it! If not...oh well! This is a part three i guess you can say...same characters and all so enjoy! Review and let me know what you think!
1. Chapter 1

"Is it straight?"

"As a circle…"

"James please…" He got up from his chair and walked over to me. He straightened the tie and sighed.

"Happy?" I nodded and he went back to his seat. I stared at myself in the mirror and shook my head.

"I'd rather be in the middle of gun fire right now than do this."

"That bad?" I turned to him and raised my right hand. It was shaking uncontrollably. He laughed and got up fixing his own tie. "Let me tell you a secret. It's just a wedding. With a girl you love, who happens to be 8 months pregnant, who at any moment could probably go into labor, but no biggie." I swallowed hard and he rolled his eyes getting in front of the mirror.

She found out she was pregnant in December. Apparently if you have sex with someone with no condom and can't control yourself, you make a baby. I found out I was in no way shape or form ready for a kid. But I couldn't tell her that, she was too damn excited. I had always wanted a fall wedding but she was convinced of being married before she gave birth. So I sat through grueling hours of pink flowers here, this person sitting here, and worst of all, who my best man would be.

It was a tough choice. I had no siblings, and three best friends. What it came down to was the one guy who took a bullet for me…a couple times. Carlos would be the best man while Logan and James walked her down the aisle. I honestly felt better if she had two people walking her, especially because she was as big as a house

I think the worst part of this whole situation…was the over dramatic mood swings. One minute I'm cooking her grilled cheese and the next I'm driving to the store for Salmon. One night she even made me change my pajamas. I was wearing a plain white shirt, and a pair of boxers. She wanted no shirt, and sweats. The things i do for this girl.

"Dude what's wrong with you?" I snapped out of my thoughts and saw James looking at me eye brows raised. I shook my head and looked at my watch.

"Where the hell is Carlos?" He shook his head and walked to the door. At the same time it opened and Carlos and Logan walked in, both wide eyed. "What's wrong?" Logan walked to the seat James was just sitting in and sat down.

"She scares me…" He looked at the floor and I laughed.

"What did she do?"

"She told us if it rained…we were losing balls. I can't control the weather!" I looked at Carlos and then out the window and laughed at the rain clouds forming.

"Looks like you guys are going to be ball less."

"Dude!" Logan stood up and James laughed with me.

"See this is why I stayed in here, besides, I prepared for this. I am having the staff set up tents and covers over the ceremony area. This is why you guys do weddings at my house." I smiled and nodded. "Lets get you married dude." He grabbed my shoulder and led me to the door. I walked out and made my way down the stairs. Carlos followed, while James and Logan went into his master bedroom where she was.

"Why do you pick the worst weekends to do things?"

"Shut up." I stepped off the last step and peeked around the corner looking in the back yard. I swallowed hard and leaned against the wall. "I can't believe I'm going to do this." Carlos laughed and straightened the flower on his tux, looking in the hall mirror.

"I couldn't either. Of course Missy wasn't pregnant…." He looked over at me and laughed. "I'm not helping am I?" I shook my head and he put his hands in his pockets. "It's really easy. Honestly, I don't really remember doing a lot of talking. I bet you will get up there, cry when you see her, and then black everything out. I mean don't really black out. But I guarantee, you won't remember doing too much." He turned me to the double doors and gently pushed me out. I walked down the aisle casually waving at people, I honestly didn't know. I made it to the alter and the Minister shook my hand. I smiled at him and turned to the doors. Out came Carlos and Missy. Missy was wearing a knee length light blue dress, with little spaghetti straps. She had a bouquet of yellow, blue and pink flowers. They walked to us and she quickly gave me a kiss on the cheek and stood opposite me while Carlos got behind me. I sighed and her two other bridesmaids, Missy's sister, and James's girlfriend walked out, by themselves and smiled at me, getting next to Missy. And then I watched everyone stand up and my breathing picked up speed. I saw Logan, and her arm wrapped around his, and then I saw her.

She was huge; there was just no way around it. But by God she was beautiful. Her hair was pulled back by clips and curled. Her white dress was strapless. It was long and flowly and I could barely see her white flats. Her belly was outlined beautifully by the white flowing fabric of the dress she was always complaining about. I couldn't help it, and reminded myself to kick Carlos in the balls later…I cried. The thought of her walking towards me, clinging to James and Logan like she was seconds away from falling, made my knees weak. And then when I actually saw her walking towards me, I let out a shaky breath. She was smiling ear to ear and I quickly wiped away a tear, smiling back at her. When she made it to me, James and Logan helped her up the stairs and when our bodies were inches away I grabbed her hand and pulled her into me. She smelt like a field of flowers sprinkled with vanilla cupcakes. I leaned down and quickly kissed her cheek and the minister cleared his throat.

"Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends of…"

Again I reminded myself to kick Carlos in the balls. I zoned out. I was completely gone. I heard him, and I saw her, and I even realized I was talking at one point, saying my vows, but that was it. I watched Missy and Carlos's son walk down the aisle with the help of Missy and I took the rings form him and put it on her finger and heard myself say I do. I heard her say I do, and then we kissed, and just like that, I was snapped back into reality. I grabbed behind her back and shoved my tongue down her throat. She smiled into the kiss and ran her hands through my hair. She slowly pulled away and looked up at me.

"Hi!" I smiled and bent down kissing her again.

The next couple of minutes I couldn't stop smiling. We walked back down the aisle saying hi and thanking everyone, and we quickly walked in the house squeezing each other's hands. I gently pushed her into a wall and our lips were together again. We were making out, and I heard people walking in so I pulled away. I tucked loose hair behind her ear and smiled at her. My other hand gently rubbed her belly and she she looked down, letting my hand cup her face.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine…although I should apologize to Carlos and Logan…I was kind of bitchy." I laughed and she looked up.

"It's okay, they know you mean well." She smiled and sighed.

"I can't believe I'm Mrs. Schmidt now. That's so exciting!"

"Yeah and our kids not a bastard. Yay marriage!" She hit my stomach and I giggled leaning back into her kissing her lips softly.

"Hey we can't really have a reception without the couple." We both turned and James was staring at us, tapping his foot shaking his head. "That's how you kids got pregnant, now knock it off." She laughed and pulled away grabbing my hand and walking into James who led us out into his backyard which on one side had the alter being taken down, and the other with many tables, and a long one in the back. We walked out and we stopped saying hi to some people, her talking to girlfriends from work. I held her hand the whole way and pulled her chair out when we got to the table. I sat her down and took my seat. Carlos and missy were on my side, with Missy's sister, while Logan James and James girlfriend sat on her side. I looked out at everyone and smiled, feeling proud of myself for taking this huge step.

The night went by fast, with a lot of laughter, memories and dancing. It was the last dance, a song she chose, The Right Man, and we slow danced, with people dancing around us. I held onto her waist while she rested her arms around my neck, her fingers weaving through my short hair. We were staring at each other, both of us smiling.

"I love you." She nodded and yawned.

"I love you too husband." I smiled and raised a hand to push her hair off her face.

"You look exhausted." She laughed and again nodded.

"I am. My feet are killing me, and my back hurts. Oh and yeah, I have a 10 pound kid kicking around inside me." She laughed and leaned forward resting her head on my shoulder, sighing out.

"Let's get you home so…" Before I had time to finish there was an ear shattering scream and a gun shot. I quickly and carefully pulled her down and looked around at the people doing the same. I saw Carlos running to the house quick, with James following. I looked to her and she looked terrified. "I'll be right back. Stay down." She nodded and I got up quick, running and weaving through the crowd. I made it to the house and ran through it hearing movement out front. I ran to the front door and saw it open. I ran through it and stopped seeing Carlos and James panting looking down the street. "What the hell's going on?" Carlos shook his head and pointed to the house across the street.

"My neighbor's daughter. She screamed seeing her boyfriend's car, excited I guess, and when he drove off his car back fired. No worries." I bent down resting my hands on my knees and chuckled.

"Holy fuck." I felt a hand on my back and I straightened out. "Scared the shit out of me. I didn't bring my gun."

"Me neither." Carlos and I laughed and James pushed us back in. I walked through the house with them, all of us laughing and I stopped seeing people running around frantically. I walked out and felt weak.

Logan was setting Jamie in a chair and she was holding her belly, He took off his jacket, and put it around her shoulders. I ran over to them and she looked up at me breathing hard.

"What's wrong?" Logan pulled out his phone and dialed a number.

"My water broke!" She put her head back and groaned. I reached for her hand, but regretted it. I heard a small crack and got down to my knees, feeling her squeeze so hard.

"Okay…it's going to be okay…"

"No its not! I'm not giving birth in this back yard! Kendall!" She screamed my name, and usually that was a good thing, but something seemed wrong.

"This is Henderson. I need a vehicle to Maslow's place. I have a women going into labor…yeah that one…okay." He hung up and looked down at her. "Remember your breathing sweetheart." She looked up at him with a crazy look in her eyes and my hand was squeezed tighter.

"You remember your breathing!" She threw her head back again and squeezed harder. I stifled my yell and Logan started helping James and Carlos move tables, chairs, and people out of the way of the gate so when the gurney came through they would have room.

"Baby,…" She looked over at me and sighed.

"I'm sorry I'm breaking your hand." She let go and I sighed out hard. "Oh I'm sorry was I being too rough!? Well maybe you'd like to switch me spots and let this giant head come out of your pee hole!"

My eyes widened and Missy and some of her girlfriends came on her other side. They started saying things to her and she grabbed my hand again, this time not squeezing. I looked around and I heard the siren, and then saw the lights. James ran over quick and led them over. I stood up still holding her hand and the paramedics pushed the girls and me away. They both wrapped an arm around her waist and she put her arms around their necks. They lifted her up easily and set her on the gurney.

"You coming dad?" They looked at me and I slowly nodded my head following them pushing her. They pushed her in the back of the ambulance and i climbed in with one. The doors shit and she groaned out. "Are you feeling any pain Jamie?" She nodded her head and closed her eyes. "Okay I'm going to put an IV in your arm and give you some pain killers alright? Do you have any allergies?"

"Peanuts…Kendall?"

"Right here babe…" The paramedic let me sit up close to her head and she opened her eyes. "Sorry I snapped…it just hurts." I turned to the paramedic.

"Is this amount of pain normal?" He nodded his head and readied the IV.

"Yes. Most times, smaller women tend to have a harder time giving birth. It's a hell of a lot more painful for a women with small hips." I nodded and looked back at her. Her eyes were closed and she was biting her bottom lip. "Also if she's been on her feet for a while today, doing a lot of standing, dancing…the pain can multiply…you might feel a small pinch here." He put the needle in her arm and she moaned out putting her head to face me and I leaned down kissing her temple.

"Just get it out of me…" I smiled and brushed hair out of her face. I looked over at the paramedic and watched him put in a clear liquid into the IV.

"Give it about a minute and you should start to feel better." For the first time I realized we were moving and cringed at the long drive to the hospital. James lived out on the other side of town, far away from everything. I looked down at her and wanted nothing more than to take the pain away. She opened her eyes and smiled.

"What a honeymoon huh?" I smiled and shook my head.

"Well make it up." She chuckled and closed her eyes. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes until I heard him moving. I turned and watched him grab a black bag and lifted out a clipboard with papers. He smiled at me and looked at Jamie.

"How's the pain?"

"Not so bad…" It was barely a whisper and knew how exhausted she was.

"Good. Okay Kendall I need to ask some questions." I nodded and sat back gently holding her hand.

When we got to the hospital, she was asleep, and I was emotionally drained. She was rolled away from me and into a room where they told me to wait while they checked her and changed her into a gown. I walked into the waiting room and sat down, leaning back and resting my head on the wall behind me. I closed my eyes and let out a hard sigh.

Interesting wedding to say the least.


	2. Chapter 2: My Girls

I heard fast frantic footsteps and opened my eyes lifting my head. James Logan and Carlos came running in searching for me. I stood up and they ran to me.

"Is she okay?"

"I don't know they won't let me see her yet, but they said they were just changing her and check on her…why I can't I be in there?" Logan sighed and put his hands on his hips.

"Stop stressing; she's fine." I nodded and we all sat down. At the same time the doctor walked out, in full scrub with gloves on.

"Mr. Schmidt?" I stood up walked to him. "We need to get your baby born. Come with me." I nodded and tore my jacket off, throwing it back. I looked back and Carlos had caught it, and gave me thumbs up. I walked with him down a hall and a door at the end of the hall opened and I heard her screaming. I picked up speed and ran in the room, seeing her legs propped her back arched her head back eyes closed. I ran to her side and put one hand on the side of her face, and the other grabbing her hand. She opened her eyes and gritted her teeth together, letting a hard loud groan out.

"It's oaky baby…you're doing great." She nodded and squeezed my hand. "You squeeze as hard as you need to." She nodded again squeezed tighter.

"Someone get some pain killers in her now…isn't going to be an easy birth." I looked quick to the doctor who was sitting between her open legs.

"What do you mean?"

"The baby is turned around. She's feet first instead of head, and I'm afraid once she starts pushing her out, she could tangle the umbilical cord around her neck."

"What?!" I turned to Jamie and brushed her hair out of her face.

"Shush she's going to fine…" I turned to the doctor and saw a nurse inject more medicine in her IV. She screamed loud and squeezed my hand tight.

"Doc you got to do something…" I looked down at her beautiful face, full of fear and pain. The doctor nodded and scooted closer between her legs.

"Okay Jamie start pushing. Take slow easy breaths, and push hard." She nodded and gritted her teeth breathing out hard. She let out a loud grunt and pushed hard. She screamed and let her body relax, telling me, she was too exhausted for this. "Another big push, mom your doing great." I leaned into her and kissed her cheek, while she pushed again, grunting and then screaming. "Okay I see her. I see her head…" I sighed and kissed her cheek again resting my forehead on hers.

"You're doing so great baby…were going to be parents." She gave a small smile, but it went away when she let out another scream and shit her eyes tight practically breaking my hand.

"A couple more pushes Jamie. You're almost done." I looked down at the doctor and she grunted pushing again. And then I heard it. One of the most beautiful, sweetest sounds I have ever heard. She was crying. There was no cord around her neck, and she was crying, loud. It made me smile and I looked down at Jamie. She was panting hard and sweat was glistening on her forehead and I reached down wiping it off. "Give me one bigger, long push Jamie…last one, I promise." She opened her eyes and nodded. She let out a breath and then pushed hard. "Beautiful…her she is…dad would you like to cut the cord?" I let go of her hand and walked down to her open legs. It was bloody. Really bloody. I mean I've never seen anyone give birth, but I didn't think this was normal. I got the scissors and snipped the cord. The doctor quickly handed my daughter to a nurse wrapping her in a towel and I smiled turning back to Jamie. She was looking at me wide eyed and I leaned down kissing her messy, sweaty hot hair.

"She's beautiful." I looked down at her face and she closed her eyes and cried. I wiped sweat off her forehead and she let out a harsh breath.

"I really hope you only want one kid, Because otherwise you're doing this." I laughed and kissed her cheek, under her eye, wiping away the tears.

She had to stay in the hospital for two days, and when I could take her home, she sat in the back seat next to Alicia, never taking her eyes off her. It was raining, which wasn't odd for a June day, but I was becoming one of those dads who became over protective over my little girl; I didn't want her catching a cold. I parked the car in the driveway, and quickly got out, opening the back door, seeing Alicia asleep, still. Jamie got out, and I grabbed Alicia and quickly put her in my chest, shielding her small body form the rain. I locked the car and walked to the front door, with Jamie, who had a hand in my back pocket, and the other pulling the tiny hood over her head. I walked us in the house and went straight to the bedroom, where her crib was already set up. We had done her room weeks ago, but we wanted her sleeping in our room, for the first couple of weeks. I carefully walked to the bed and sat on the edge while Jamie set up the tiny bed in her crib. She stirred in my arms and looked down seeing her wake up, eye fluttering open. She looked around, and started crying. I got up and rocked her in my arms, btu it was no use; she was wailing and clutching onto my jacket.

"Shhh baby…" Jamie walked to me and rubbed her back Alicia turned quick and saw Jamie throwing her arms out. Jamie laughed and I handed her to her.

"She loves you more than me."

"Well she was inside me for 9 months." I rolled my eyes and watched her put her in the crib in a sitting position. She pulled her jacket off and tossed it to the dresser. She then gently laid her down on her back and Alicia le tout another cry and reached up fro her. Jamie sighed and picked her up, cradling in her arms.

"Maybe she's hungry." Jamie smiled at me and walked over, sitting next to me resting her head on my shoulder. I looked down at the baby, slowly closing her eyes, still forcing out the cries.

"No I think she just woke up, and realized she was in a new place and got scared. See she's stating to calm down." I nodded and pushed the short dark hair back off her forehead. "I love that she got your eyes." I smiled and turned my head and kissed the side of her head.

"I'm glad she got your nose." She looked up quick and sighed.

"I love your nose." I laughed and shook my head starting at my girls.

Yeah…I liked the sound of that…my girls.


	3. Chapter 3: Dora

I walked through the station for the first time in two weeks. I quickly made my way to my desk, smiling at the many 'congratulations', and 'good to see you back'. I made it to my desk, smiling seeing Carlos already there, leaning over his desk with the guy that was filling in for me. I walked next to him and looked over his shoulder at the file open on his desk.

"You came back just in time." I smiled and picked up the folder. "Thanks for your company Felix."

"Any time Pena. Hey congratulations on the kid Schmidt." I looked up and smiled.

"Thanks. Ad thanks for making user he didn't go postal." He laughed and backed to his own desk. Carlos sent me a death glare and I laughed sitting at my desk. "What the hell happened to this girl?"

"OD. EX. Can you believe that shit's back in town?" I shook my head felt a pang in my chest. I felt that a lot recently when I heard or saw something about someone's daughter, reminding myself, to never let Alicia get hurt.

"She's only 16."

"Yeah the worst part is the guys she was with, saw her seize up and did nothing except call 911 and run off. Were still trying to find them." I nodded and put the file down. I pulled my phone out my pocket hoping I had a message or, missed call from her, but nothing. I set my phone on my desk and sighed. "So how is Jamie?" I looked at him and he was staring at his computer biting his nails.

"Fine. She refuses to leave Alicia's side." He chuckled and looked at me.

"Typical. Missy was a wreck the day she went back to work, calling the poor sitter every 5 minutes. It's normal. What about you?" I took off my jacket and rolled up my shirt sleeves. Who the hell said it was a good idea for us to wear suites in the summer?

"I'd rather not see this kind of shit." I waved the folder of the girl and he nodded.

"You're going to start to change Schmidt. I know you already care, but when you see a girl, a young girl, you're going to act differently. I did it, everyone goes through it." I cracked a smile and nodded. "I'm starved. Let's go get some breakfast." He turned off his computer and got out of his chair. I stood up slipping my phone back in my pocket and left my jacket on the back of my chair.

We grabbed something to go and we drove around, finally stopping at the school the girl was found. Kids usually do things here during the summer. These kids in particular started a fire on the football field and danced around, completely high out of their minds. I parked and we got out walking onto the football field.

"Shit I haven't been here in years."

"That's because we graduated over 10 years ago." I smiled remembering the ceremony on the field and then the party me Carlos Logan and James went to get laid, only James succeeding.

"What's that?" I turned to see him pointing to the bleachers and saw movement under them. I walked to them, knowing exactly what it was. When I turned under the bleachers, I heard a tiny yell and then, saw at least three kids running. I chased after one, who I knew looked familiar. I ran hard and fast and when he slowed down to climb the fence I jumped on him, and yanked him on the ground hard.

"Why are you running?!" He breathed hard and closed his eyes. "Stand up David." He pulled himself up and avoided eye contact.

"I didn't do anything wrong!"

"So why'd you run? Please tell me you were not here last night with that girl who died." James's little brother shook his head and pushed his hood off hsi head.

"I knew her though. I honestly had no idea she was into E."

"Who'd she hang out with?" He shrugged his shoulders and looked down.

"I don't know man…can I go?"

"No you knew her right?" He nodded and I grabbed the back of his neck walking him back to the field where sitting on the bleachers where two other kids looking up at Carlos. I walked him over to them and sat him down next to the girl.

"Who was with her Sara?" The girl looked up at Carlos and shook her head.

"The guys who were dealing to her, I don't know them. Their older."

"By how much?" She turned to me and shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know…20's? Carly has always been a goodie…she would never do something like this." She sounded sad, and felt bad for her.

"Okay, you guys can go, unless you can give me any names…" They all shook their heads and I nodded putting my hands in my pockets. "Go home." They stood up and walked away quickly, James's brother wrapping an arm around the girls waist pulling her in and kissing her head.

"Should we call James?" I turned to Carlos and he waved his phone. I nodded and he dialed as we walked back to the car.

An hour later James walked in the station, hand firmly gripping the back of his brothers neck like I had done earlier. He looked pissed and James shoved him down into the chair by my desk.

"He has something to tell you." He crossed his arms and looked down at the kid who could have easily been his twin, just younger.

"James come on!" James shook his head and he sighed, turning to me. "I didn't just now Carly. We dated." James cleared his throat. "Okay fine, we were dating." I sat back in my chair.

"Where you with her last night?" He shook his head and looked down.

"She asked me to hang out. She said she had met these guys who really wanted to meet me. I told her to just come hang out at my place; my parents are out of town. She begged for me to go. I said no and she hung up. That was the last time I talked to her." I felt bad for him and looked up at James. James also looked sad and sighed standing up.

"Okay you can go. Thanks for telling me the truth. She didn't happen to mention where she met them did she?" David stood up and shook his head. I nodded and James pulled his keys out of his pocket.

"Go wait in the car." He nodded and took the keys from him walking out. Carlos walked over to us and James let out a low sigh. "If he had gone would he have…"

"James your brothers a smart kid. Its unfortunate for this girl but you can't let your brother take all this guilt and blame alright. I'll get the dealers and make sure it doesn't happen again." He nodded.

"I can't believe your brothers a senior already dude…time has flown by." James smiled and nodded.

"Yeah you telling me…I got to take him home and go to work. Let me know if you find anything out alright?" I nodded and he walked out.

That night I got home around 9, exhausted and sore. I walked through the door and heard a screech and then a fit of laughter. I walked into the living room and saw Jamie and Alicia sitting on the floor, Alicia sitting in between Jamie's spread legs looking up at her face. Jamie covered her eyes and Alicia screeched. Jamie pulled her hands off her face and Alicia laughed, closing her eyes and giggling.

"Is this all you've done today?" Jamie jumped and turned to me. I set my bag down and laid flat on my stomach resting my chin on Jamie's thigh Alicia reaching out for me.

"Pretty much. We did take an awesome nap today though. And when we woke up we watched Dora the Explorer!" I pushed myself up on my elbows as Alicia tried scooting to me, making Jamie finally just pick her up and set her right next to my face. I leaned in and kissed her cheek and then nibbled and her fingers, causing another fit of laughter.

"I can't believe they still show that." I sat up, scooping Alicia in my arms and sat on my butt next to Jamie leaning against the coffee table. I felt a hand on my thigh slowly rub its way up to my clothed crotch. I looked down at her eyebrows raised and she grinned. "I can't believe she isn't asleep yet."

"Me neither. Probably waiting for daddy to come home." I looked down at the little girl in my arms and smiled. I raised her in the air and gently brought her back down kissing her head. "How was work? Any new cases? I heard about that poor girl on the news."

"That's my case." We looked at each other and she shook her head.

"Any leads yet?" I smiled knowing how interested she was in my job. Only when it didn't get to gruesome.

"One. James's 17 year old brother." She raised her eyebrows and nodded. "They were dating. Poor kid is destroyed."

"I can only imagine…was he with her?" I shook my head and looked back down at Alicia who was rubbing her eyes.

"Someone's tiered."

"I'll take her to bed. Go eat something." She kissed the side of my face and I gave Alicia to her. She stood up and walked over my legs. I reached up and gave a hard slap to her ass. She jumped and giggled but continued to walk down the hall, singing the Dora song, rocking her hips slowly.


	4. Chapter 4: Fear and Regret

I sat in the rocking chair, in the baby room, two weeks after I started work again. I was holding onto Alicia, who was silently sleeping, sucking on her thumb. I was only in a pair of boxers and a white shirt because she was crying on the baby monitor. I came in the room and she was in hysterics looking up at the ceiling, face red. I picked her up and went right to the rocking chair, putting her in my arms, silently singing to her. It helped. After two minutes she was asleep, and here I was. I was happy sitting here rocking with her, sleeping in my arms, but I was exhausted from this case.

We had gto a lead about a guy named Ghost, but just like his name suggested, he was never around. No more kids were dying but I still had to tell the girl's parents who gave her the drugs and why they let her die. I wasn't looking forward to that talk.

I looked to the door seeing Jamie walking in, only wearing one of my shirts and a pair of black panties.

"What are you doing?" She sounded tiered and I smiled.

"She was crying so I sang her back to sleep."

"Well come sing me back to sleep then." I laughed quietly and got out of the chair. I walked to her crib and gently set her in pulling the blanket back over her. I turned back to the door and she was still there smiling. "You know for some big bag tough bad ass cop…you are so gentle with her."

"Well duh. She's a baby." I quickly picked her up by wrapping my arms around her knees and lifted her, putting her on my shoulder. She chuckled and put her hands on my back, pushing my shirt up, running her soft fingers over my skin. I walked us into our dark room and gently threw her on the bed. "How about instead of me singing to you, you just scream my name?" She bit her bottom lip and I yanked her panties off, causing her body to move down the bed a bit. I slipped off her boxers kissing her lips and spreading her legs. I put myself at the entrance and pulled away, looking adown at the beautiful sight. I pushed in her and a soft moan escaped her throat.

"So good Kendall…more babe…" I wasn't one to make her beg so I gave her exactly what she wanted.

I pulled out in time, and came hard on her stomach, while she shook the bed, still orgasming. I fell back and watched her slowly regain her self, loving everything about her.

"You made a mess." I laughed and nodded.

"So did you." She sat up on her elbows and turned to see the alarm clock. I followed her gaze and groaned. It was 5:45 and I told Carlos I'd be at the station at 7. I pushed myself off the bed and walked to the bathroom. I turned on the light and quickly got in the shower.

When I got out, she was putting new sheets on the bed and making it. She was back in one of my shirts, and a pair of her jeans. I dressed myself, preparing myself for the long grueling day ahead.

As I looked in the bathroom mirror, tightening my tie I heard something. Something that scared the hell out of me. I walked out of the bathroom and saw Jamie about to ask if I heard it but i raised a hand and she stayed quiet. I walked quietly to the night stand where i had one of my guns. I grabbed it and I kicked in panic mode hearing the cries of Alicia. I ran out of the room and into Alicia's where I saw two guys trying to break the window. They saw me, gun in hand and ran to the side of the house. I backed out of the room ready for a chase.

"Get Alicia!" I yelled down the hall and heard her running. I ran to the front door and swing the door open. Before I had time to react I was hit hard in the face, by a fist. I staggered back, my gun dropping form my hands. I watched three guys push into house and I reached for my gun. It was kicked out of reach and there was a sharp blow to my head. I fell to my face and heard Jamie scream.

"Kendall?!" I pushed myself up and saw down the hall two guys walking into Alicia's room.

"Shut up bitch." I leaned against the wall tasting the blood in my mouth and feeling the headache forming.

"Let go of me!...don't touch her!" I forced myself to keep walking down the hall and when I stopped in front of Alicia's room I saw Jamie trying to fight off a guy picking Alicia up. I walked in the room, fist tight. Again I was hit, this time to the back of my head. I fell to my knees and felt someone grab a fistful of my hair.

"Shut her up." I looked up and watched one of the guys cover Jamie's mouth with his hand, wrapping his other arm around her fighting body. I was seeing spots and felt someone get next to my ear. "Who would you rather see go Detective?" I moved my arms but they were quickly grabbed, and brought to my back. I heard the familiar clink if handcuffs and felt myself being cuffed. My head was yanked back and I saw a black ski mask. "If the decision is too hard, we'll just take both." I struggled in the cuffs and he laughed letting my hair go. I fell forward, but quickly pushed myself up and heard a snap. I watched a guy, surprisingly, gently pick Alicia up from her crib, crying hysterically. He cradled her in his arms and walked to the door. I tried pushing myself up to my feet but I was kicked in the back and fell on my face. I heard a struggle and looked up to see a guy walking towards Jamie with rope and duct tape. She was kicking and squirming in his hand, and I have never been more proud. He quickly took his hand away from her mouth and he roughly pushed her away.

"Fucking cunt bit me." She ran to me and pulled me up to my knees. She was crying and I watched a guy come behind her and pick her up effortlessly.

"Let me go!" She again started fighting. I saw seeing more back spots and opened my mouth.

"What do you want?" I heard a chuckle and my hair was grabbed again.

"I want you to drop Carly's case." I closed my eyes and shook my head. "I figured you'd say that. Take her out.

"No!" I opened my eyes and saw two guys holding her down tying her hands behind her back. "Kendall!" I tried getting up but again I was kicked. This time to the ribs. I fell to the side crashing down hard. I also smacked my head onto the wall and miraculously I was still awake. I watched them put duct tape on her mouth and she was giving up. I could tell. She was effortlessly picked up and tossed over a big guys shoulder. We made eye contact as she left the room and I found a serious amount of strength. I pushed myself up and followed out, stumbling. I watched her fighting again as she was carried out into the front yard with the sun coming up. I made it to the door, but my dizziness got the best of me. I feel to my knees and managed a small scream hoping someone heard and came out and called the cops. Wait…wasn't I the cop?

I watched her get tossed into the back of a black unmarked van and I heard the sad cries of Alicia. The doors shut loud. I watched at least 6 guys get in, with one waving at me before I feel right on my face, blacking out, and hearing a loud crack.

"Kendall…come on buddy. Wake up."

I felt my head slowly shake back and forth and heard a collective sigh from at least three people.

"He's waking up…Logan his nose is fucked up."

"I know, the doctors will have to fix it. I don't think I can."

"_Kendall…no…let me go!"_

My eyes shot open and I sat up remembering what happened. Carlos and James were kneeling in front of me. I could taste blood and I turned to the side spitting it out.

"What the fuck happened?" I turned to Carlos and felt an ocean full of tears threatening to spill out of my eyes.

"They took her…they took them." It started. I closed my eyes and tear after tear poured down and I sobbed. I sobbed so hard, I was becoming violent. I stood up opening my eyes and pushed between Logan and Carlos; out of my living room where I was lying on the couch and ran down the hall. I stopped in front of Alicia's room, and fell back into the wall, sliding down, seeing things thrown around, blood on the ground, (I assumed my blood.) and worst of all no Alicia. I closed my eyes again and continued to hear Jamie yelling, and Alicia crying. I put my head in my hands and screamed loud, making my throat hurt.

"Kendall…" I shook my head and yelled out again. "Who did this?" I slowly turned to Carlos and shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. "Okay…just calm down. We're going to get them back, but you need James and Logan to take you to the hospital; your nose is broken," I put my head on the wall and closed my eyes sobbing some more. I heard Carlos walk away and a few seconds later I heard squeaky wheels. I looked to my right and saw them lower the gurney, both pale. James walked to me, and grabbed under one of my arms. I was still crying, I was a total wreck. He lifted me up, even with the dead weight of me not having any energy to want to do anything. He pushed me on the gurney and I fell back closing my eyes still crying.

"You think we should give him something?"

"What a shot of Jack?" The gurney was pushed and I felt so empty. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Logan's hand close to mine pushing me with James on the other side. I wiped my face and bumped my nose.

"Fuck!" I felt blood rushing out and held the bridge of my nose. I was pushed out of the house and gently down the stairs. They wheeled me to the ambulance, with Carlos following behind me when I saw something on the street. I sat up and pointed. "Carlos! The mask!" They all stopped and I jumped off, wobbly, but made it to the black mask on the ground. I bent down next to it, and saw a glimmer of hope. "They were all wearing these. I couldn't see any faces." Carlos was next to me pulling out a pair of gloves. He put them on and lifted it up. We both stood up, blood rushing from my head and looked at it.

"I'll have them run prints. Can you remember anything else?"

"There were about 6 of them, all men I think. One of them, told me to drop Carly's case." He lowered the mask and scrunched his eyebrows.

"The Ghost?" I shrugged my shoulders and felt myself being pulled back to the gurney. I sat down, thankfully, to be able to calm my head and James and Logan pushed me n, Logan climbing in with me. "I'll be by in a bit. I need to get this checked and I need to inform the captain." I nodded and Carlos and James closed the back of the doors.

I laid back letting Logan work on the many cuts and bumps on my body. I closed my eyes and heard more crying and screaming and saw Jamie staring at me as she was carried out.

The look told me I failed. It told me, she knew i gave up. It told me she was disappointed that I could let something happen to her, or Alicia. It was the look of fear and regret. Regret for being with me, for every telling me she loved me and saying yes to marry me.

I was the most pathetic human being on the planet.


	5. Chapter 5: Brothers

I was knocked out as soon as my head hit the van floor.

I woke up cold. I woke alone. I woke up in a big empty space tied to a chair. Tight. I looked down at my body and my wrists were tied to the arm rests. My waist was tied to the chair as well, along with my feet, each tied to a leg. My mouth wasn't taped shut anymore. Instead it had been tied, with another rope, where my teeth were biting down on, so I could stop myself from screaming. I couldn't be scared. I had to strong for Alicia, and for myself. I knew that at any moment Kendall would come in, guns blazing kick ass, saving Alicia and I. I just knew it. I guess you could call it woman's instinct. You could call it whatever you wanted, but I knew he would save me, just like he's done before.

I was barefoot and only wearing one of Kendall's white shirts. It was big on me, and it wasn't very warm. I also wasn't wearing a bra and through the thin fabric you could see my nipples. My jeans, old and warn out were keeping my legs warm but I was still could. Which confused me. It is the middle of June, why am I not on fire right now? I looked around trying to find some kind of sign of where we were, but nothing. I tried pulling my wrists up and getting the rope off but it was hopeless. And then I heard a door open. I turned my head and saw two figures walking towards me. I looked away. If there was one thing Kendall ever taught me, that I actually listened to, it was to always wear your poker face. Never show the people you're afraid, or else they win.

I remained looking forward and when they stopped in front of me I looked up at them. I didn't recognize them and didn't really care.

"Sorry to have done this Mrs. Schmidt…it is just business you know." I looked away and breathed hard. "You should know your baby is fine." I looked up quick and he smiled. "My wife is looking after her. We won't hurt her…or you if you cooperate." He looked over at the other guy and he reached in his pockets and pulled out a small baggy with two little white pills. "Do you know what these are?" I shook my head and he took the bag from the guy. "This is two hits of ecstasy. If swallowed the person will become a more sensitive, fun, caring individual that if in a dance setting can dance for hours." He gave the back to the guy and the guy then pulled out a syringe, full of a yellowish liquid. "Do you know what this is?" I had seen if before. Every year Kendal has to do tests on different drugs and paraphernalia to make sure that the cops knew what kind of criminal they were dealing with. I shook my head any way, getting tired of the stupid games. "This is heroin. If injected, your whole body goes into 'rush' mode. You feel like doing everything and when you start to do it, your arms and legs become heavy and even feel like rubber." He stopped and the guy put the syringe and packet of white pills on the floor at my feet. "You probably are wondering why I'm telling you and its rather simple. I'm a drug dealer, and you are now my new mule." My eyes widened and I shook my head. He laughed and took a step toward me. He bent down setting his hands under my arms on the wood. I could faintly smell alcohol on his breath and his mouth was inches from my own. "You either do what your told, or you get hurt. Do you really want your daughter to grow up without a mother?" I stared at him, my breathing picked up and squeezed around the arm rest wishing Kendall would just bust in already.

I stayed awake and coherent on the ride to the hospital, Logan doing his best to clean my face from the blood and tears. My nose was on fire, and so was the rest of my body. When we stopped Logan squeezed my shoulder and looked down at me sad.

"I'm here for you." I nodded and the back opened. James stepped in and helped Logan pull me out. We moved quickly into the hospital Logan and James right at my sides.

I was put in a room and James and Logan stayed with me. The doctor came in rather quickly, and fixed my nose. It hurt like a bitch but it didn't care. I wanted to get out of there and find Jamie and Alicia. I just had to find them and kill the bastards who took them from me.

There was a soft knock on the door and it opened. In came Carlos, and then the Captain, and then two guys in all black suites. I knew exactly who they were…FBI. This was not a good sign.

"How you doing Kendall?" Carlos was at my side and I nodded my head.

"I'm fine." The captain looked between the two FBI agents and me. "Who are they?"

"Schmidt this is Agent Wallace and Agent Smith. They are going to be working on your case."

"My case? Why can't I?" The Captain sighed and looked at them. One took a step forward.

"Detective Schmidt we have reason to believe the people who took your wife and daughter are the same men connected to the Ecstasy Party."

I knew exactly what he was talking about. I had heard it on the news a couple months back that all throughout the country kids were turning up dead, from over dose. They said they guys dealing were part of the Mexican drug Cartel. Why the hell where they up in Minnesota?

"The Drug Cartel?" He nodded his head and the pain in my nose was giving me a horrible sinus headache.

"We've already gathered all the work you two got on Carly's case and we will keep you informed." I stood up as they were leaving and the Captain sighed.

"I want to help."

"Schmidt this isn't your case anymore. You can't handle something that happened to you, especially knowing how close you actually are to it."

"Captain that's bullshit!" He sighed at me and turned to the two agents, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"Thank you gentlemen." They nodded and walked out. I sat back down, feeling betrayed and hurt.

"I can handle my own shit Captain. I don't need them."

"It's not yours to handle any more. You and Carlos are on leave. I don't want you anywhere near the station or harassing those two. I know you two." I put my head down. He did know us. If it wasn't me, I would always convince Carlos to go in and tear shit up, and he always did. "Just get yourself together and wait until they find them. And I promise you, they will find them, neither of them hurt." I looked up at him and he nodded at me and then Carlos and walked out, closing the door softly.

"Were not just sitting back are we?" I turned to Carlos and he had his eyebrows raised.

"When have we ever?"

"Yeah the only problem is they took everything we had…and I don't even know where to start looking. And if its only us two…"

"Carlos! Are you trying to make me feel better or worse?!" He sighed and looked down. "Fuck…my head." I put my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands, pressing into my eyes.

"I'll help." I turned quick and saw James standing up. "Whatever you guys need. I want to help. I know how to shoot." I managed a weak smile. It was all I could do.

"Me too. I'm not the best shot but I can help in any way." Logan stood up too and I sat up straight.

"You guys realize were dealing with the Mexican Cartel right? I mean these guys are ruthless and worse than the Mob." They both shrugged their shoulders.

"If it means getting Jamie and Alicia back, I don't care." Logan sounded pissed and I stood up.

"Me either. Their family. Were family, and we stick together. No matter what. Were brothers." Carlos looked at me and I nodded.

I know I shouldn't let two guys who have no experience what so ever go around town looking for kidnappers and drug dealers, but it's not like they would listen. They were just as stubborn as me.


	6. Chapter 6: Stupid Reckless Pathetic

"You do realize we look really suspicious right?" I turned to Logan and he looked back out the front window. "I'm just saying, were sitting in a car, staring out at an old abandoned warehouse, with another car behind us doing the same exact thing."

"Logan this is called a stake out. This is what I do." He sighed and leaned down in his seat. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw James and Carlos laughing. "Are you just scared?"

"I don't want to see or hear or know anything happened to them." I looked back at Logan and gave a small smile.

For some reason Logan and Jamie got really close. I don't know if it was from the first night, he sat with her in the back of the ambulance, or what, but they both just got so close. He called her his sister whenever she was brought up. Throughout her pregnancy he was constantly running favors for me, as we planned the wedding. When we almost broke up, Logan was the first person to tell me I needed her, and he was right. I honestly believe, and I don't mind, that he knows her better than I do.

He looked out his side window and put his forehead on the glass. I think he was taking this harder than me. Okay that's not true. I was a total wreck, but whenever I started working, I put up a wall and hid every emotion. That's what you're taught to do as a cop. Otherwise your head gets fucked up, and you can't do your job properly.

I looked out my window quick and saw headlights.

"Get down." We both slid quick into our seats and I cautiously watched a car drive by, not even noticing us. It was too dark, and my car was black. No one could see us. I sat back up and watched the car. It wasn't a car. It was the same van that took them away from me. I had to use every muscle in my body not to jump out and start killing people. "That's the same van." We looked at each other and I lifted my radio. "Carlos, that's the van." I released the button and waited for his reply. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw him pick his up.

"What's the plan?"

"How about running and shooting anyone who isn't Jamie or Alicia?"

"Don't be a moron. This is why captain didn't want us working this." I put my head on the head rest and closed my eyes. "You know I want to get them back Kendall, but just running in and killing people…it's reckless, and dangerous for Logan and James." I lifted my head and looked over at Logan who was staring in the rearview mirror at the other two. I set the radio back and sighed.

"That's typical." He said it under his breath and I almost didn't catch it.

"What is?" He looked away from the mirror at me and shook his head.

"I know James and Carlos alright. I'm the weak little nerd who can't take care of himself and fight." He looked back to the mirror and so did I seeing, them again talking. "Do you remember sophomore year?" I looked away out my window and nodded. It was like it was just yesterday.

_I walked out of my history class and hurried along the hall until I stopped at locker 1403. I turned and saw them. I smiled and Carlos ran up to me._

"_Did you ask her?" I smiled wider and nodded. James high fived me and Logan gave me a small smile. "She said yes right?" I laughed and nodded._

"_Of course. I'm picking her up at 7 tomorrow." James and Carlos smiled and Logan walked towards me closer._

"_Wait your driving? You don't even have a permit." I rolled my eyes and opened my locker as Carlos did the same next to me, and James next to him. _

"_Logan will you not play mother hen right now, please." He sighed and open up the locker on the other side of me. We always got our lockers next to each other. In Middle school, and now high school. We put in our backpacks and books and anything else, and grabbed brown paper bags. We slammed out lockers and walked outside, talking along the way to our usual spot at lunch under the big tree. Before we had time to sit down Logan was pushed hard and almost fell to his face. I caught him and turned quick. It was a group of seniors. Football players. Dumb as rocks. _

"_What's your problem dick?" James was as tall as them and I straightened out Logan who pushed his glasses back on his nose._

"_This doesn't concern you Maslow. I don't want to hurt my own teammate." Rick, the guy who pushed Logan, looked back down at him. "You however, have a lot of explaining to do." Logan looked down at the ground and I stood protectively in front of him. Rick laughed and shook his head. "Listen Kendall, I don't want to hurt you either alright. Just let the little nerd get what's coming to him."_

"_Don't call him that." I hated more than anything then to hear or see one of my friends, my brothers, get pushed around, physically or emotionally. "Just leave him alone."_

"_All I want to know is why the hell I failed my math test." I rolled my eyes and turned to Logan who was as red as a tomato._

"_It's not my fault you're stupid and couldn't read the answers on my page." I gasped and raised my eyebrows. Rick looked disgusted and Logan, turned redder, if that was possible. Rick took a step forward, but James and I got in front of him first. _

"_You're going to pay for that Henderson."_

"_Yeah well I hope so." I turned to try to tell him to shut up, but stopped myself. Logan didn't look scared, or nervous. Logan_ _looked…proud. I felt proud with him but when I looked back at Rick. He laughed and walked away still staring at Logan and then turned, laughing with his friends._

"_You idiot. What the hell where you thinking?" I looked at James who looked pissed and heard a laugh from Logan._

"_Stop worrying about me. I can take care of myself…." We all looked at him and he sighed. "Listen I'll see you guys after school." He walked away, from all of, leaving us stunned. _

We did see him after school. In a hospital bed. He got his ass kicked and when we were by ourselves he told me, that would be the last time Rick bothered him. And it was because Logan stood up for himself. No one bothered him after that.

I turned back to him and he was playing with his hands in his lap.

"I have never thought of you as a weak nerd." He chuckled and looked back out his window. "I have dealt with this with Carlos before." He looked over at me quick and raised his eyebrows. I laughed and looked out the front. "I'm like a little kid, who is stupid and reckless. I can't make my own decisions, and when I do…their wrong."

"Jamie thinks you are reckless sometimes too…" I looked at him, hurt, and he shook his head. "But it's one of the things she loves about you." I looked away, tears already forming and rested my head back on the head rest. "You're not stupid or reckless, or like a little kid…and if you start crying I'll start crying Ken and I can't do that. It will just prove to James and Carlos once again that I'm pathetic." I quickly wiped the corner of my eyes.

"Just stop saying that Logan. You're not pathetic. I am…I'm the one who let them take the only two things that even matter to me. My little girl was crying and screaming, and I gave up. I let them tie Jamie up and carry her out, as she watched me get my ass kicked and not protect our daughter. I'm a failure and I'm pathetic." I heard a sniffle and looked over. He was crying, and god damn-it so was I, and I didn't care if the other two saw us. I was completely heart broken and terrified. After a couple of minutes we both wiped our faces and laughed, feeling silly, and out of the corner of my eye I saw movement up ahead.

I turned and saw two guys holding onto a body, feet dragging. Her face, it was bloody and bruised, her hair was being held up into a bun and even though we were far away I could see she was crying.

"Schmidt, there's movement." I picked up the radio and wiped my nose, cringing at the pain.

"It's her…she's…" Logan quickly took the radio from my hand, noticing I was seconds away from crying again and sighed.

"Her face is all bloody…what should we do?"

"Well…they're taking her in the van…I think one car should follow while the other stays watch." I yanked the radio back out of his hand and clicked it on.

"They would recognize me Pena." Both Carlos and I have grown to call each other by our last names. I guess it helped us separate work from real life.

"Then I'll follow with James. I don't see Alicia…which means she's inside…unharmed." I looked in the rearview mirror and saw him staring at me. He was saying it to make me feel better. It wasn't working. "Their moving…we'll follow. Keep in touch." I nodded and put the radio back. The van drove by fast and Carlos turned the car on, without turning on the head lights. He pulled out quick and drove quickly behind. I turned to Logan who sighed and wiped one final tear.

He stared at me and sighed loudly. He looked back to front and I saw a smile.

"Let's go get your little girl Kendall." I un did my seat belt and smiled.

"You're not going to yell at me for being reckless and child like?"

"As long as you let me defend myself and fight." I laughed and opened my door.

"Maybe you should be my new partner." He laughed and we both got out, closing our doors quietly.

"Who would save your crazy ass every time you did do something stupid and reckless?" I shot him a glance and he shrugged his shoulders. "I'm just saying…"


	7. Chapter 7: High

They left me tied to the chair. I was sitting for hours…maybe even a full day without anyone coming in. I don't remember the last time I ate. I also don't remember the last time I felt so scared.

After the hours passed, the door behind me opened and multiple footsteps were heard. I didn't even look back; I didn't need to. When they stepped in front of me I started breaking out, trying to get out of my ties.

One of the guys was holding Alicia. She was sound asleep, sucking her thumb, not a care in the world. I felt the tears roll down my face. I bit down hard on the rope and tried talking.

"Don't worry. Your daughter is well and healthy. In fact we just fed her. She is doing rather well." I calmed down and breathed hard. "Now that you have seen her…you will do something for us." I shook my head and closed my eyes. "Take her back to her crib. I don't want her waking up to the cries of her mother." I opened my eyes, and watched them carry my daughter out. I regained myself, and watched the other guys taking off their jackets and pulling out pocket knives. I looked away and closed my eyes. "Do you really want to be killed? You would want that for your poor sweet little girl?" I let out a sob and my legs were cut free. My waist was cut free and quickly so were my arms. I started fighting but I was quickly thrown on the ground, with my arms being tied behind my back. I hit my head and closed my eyes. I was lifted effortlessly and quickly my rope was yanked out of my mouth.

"Let my daughter go!" I was slapped hard across my mouth and I squeezed my eyes tight from the pain.

"You need to learn to keep your mouth shut. You are in no position to be demanding things from us." I looked back to the guy and he shook his head. "Your almost as pathetic as the sad excuse you call for a husband."

"Fuck you." It went eerily quiet and I tensed up. The guy standing in front of me, the one who slapped me sighed out hard. "I'm not afraid of you."

"Well that's your first mistake." I watched him clench his fist and raise it, quickly hitting my left eye. I was dropped quickly, this time getting pushed flat onto my back. "Your second mistake is thinking you could say no to us. Get me a bat." I closed my eyes and cried out.

"Please don't…"

"Oh now you think begging will help?" I opened my eyes quickly and saw him leaning over me, holding a bat. He raised it and without being able to stop him, he hit my face hard, and I screamed out. I was hit again and felt cold blood rushing out of my face. "Get me that needle." I slowly opened my eyes and cried out loud seeing him bending down next to me. He roughly pushed my head to the side and I started kicking. "Get her legs down." I felt weight on my legs and turned my head seeing him looking at the needle being handed to him.

"No! Please don't!"

"Shut up bitch!" I was hit hard in the mouth and my head turned to the side again. I screamed again, not that it mattered. My face was pushed down, and without any warning, I felt a pinch to my neck, and screamed out.

I have never done any drugs…not even been contact high, but from what I heard Kendall talking about, I was scared shitless. He injected the yellow liquid in my neck and everyone let go of me quick. I closed my eyes and quietly cried.

"Please…let me go…"

"Now you are going to do whatever I say because, in 20 minutes…you will have no control over your body…" I sobbed out and heard shifting of feet. "Pick her up and take her to the van. We have a deal in an hour." I was lifted and not doing any walking for myself, dragged out. It was dark out, not that it mattered…I felt seconds away from passing out. Again I was thrown into the van, with two other guys who sat me up setting me against the wall of the van.

I quietly looked in a small window where I saw light, and almost cried out. Alicia was lying in a white wooden crib. A little pink blanket with flowers on it was covering her and she silently slept. I quickly turned away and slid down the wall holding on to my gun. Logan bent down in front of me squeezing around his gun.

"I can only see two guys…and a lady."

"Take them out first. Don't do anything to her." He nodded and we got up. I scaled the wall until I found the door. Logan ran to the other side and reached for the handle. I nodded and he swung the door open. The two guys stood up, and without giving them or Logan a chance, I shot them both in the head. They fell to the ground and the women stood up screaming. I heard Alicia's cries and turned to Logan. "Get her to shut up." Logan ran past me quick, putting his gun in the back of his pants. He pushed the lady down onto a chair and wrapped a hand around her mouth. "Is there anyone else here?" She shook her head and closed her eyes. I put my gun back and ran to the crib. I felt the tears leave my eyes and Alicia quickly reached up with her hands grasping for me. I reached in and grabbed her, pulling her quickly into my chest. I closed my eyes and sobbed out loud.

"Kendall…she's pointing to that door." I looked quick and saw her pointing to the door.

"Take your hand off her mouth." He did and she sobbed out. "What's behind that door?"

"It's…it's where they…they kept your…your wife…" I sighed and Alicia was slowly calming down. I walked over, and grabbed some rope.

"Tie her up."

"Kendall…"

"Logan don't question me. We'll let her go when we leave." He nodded and quickly tired her up. She didn't even fight him on it. When he was done, I quickly handed Alicia to Logan who quickly grabbed the back of her head and wrapped and arm around her bottom, pulling her in to his neck and chest. "Just stay behind me alright?" He nodded and I took my gun out walking to the door. I stopped in front of it and sighed cocking the gun. I quickly opened the door and was hit with a burst of cold. I walked in, gun raised and ran to a chair in the middle of the room. I stopped short seeing blood and an empty syringe. I lowered the gun and dropped to my knees.

"Kendall…what is that?" I put my gun on the ground and picked up the needle.

"It's used for heroin."

"Do you think…"

"I don't know Logan!" I threw the needle and it hit the opposite wall, breaking. My phone vibrated and I pulled it out answering it quick seeing Carlos's number. "Hello?"

"Dude, she's dealing out drugs."

"What?"

"He's using her…she looks…she looks high…she just gave a little bag to a group of guys, who then gave her a stack of cash. You realize their doing it so they don't get caught right?"

"Well get her out of there."

"Kendall there are too many…" I pushed myself up picking up my gun and walking out with Logan right behind me.

"Carlos get her out of there."

"They already left, were still following them, but were going to need more back up."

"Bullshit." I quickly untied the lady who ran away from us and led Logan back outside. I opened the door for him and he got in, still clutching onto Alicia. "Don't follow them, just go back to my house." I hung up without letting him talk and got in my car. I slammed the door and Alicia pulled away from Logan letting out a wail. I turned the car on and drove off quickly. By the time I stopped in front of my house I was sobbing…once again. Logan passed Alicia to me and I scooped her up, holding her tight. I squeezed tight and she cried with me. I heard Logan get out and shut the door quietly. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Carlos and James get out of his car and run to Logan. James walked to me, but Logan stopped him.

I sobbed and let my lip quiver. I go out fast and walked to them. Carlos, who I could tell was pissed,. I didn't have time to worry.

"You should have got her!" I didn't mean to yell but it got the best of me. "You should have got her!" Alicia clutched onto my shirt and Carlos's jaw dropped.

"Kendall take your daughter inside and get your head on straight." I was pulled to my house and pushed into it. I fell onto the couch and lifted her face to mine, wiping her face. She squealed and smiled. I laughed and she reached forward grabbing my bottom lip. She just made little noises making me cry harder. "Kendall were going to get her." James sat next to me and I wiped my tears holding onto Alicia who put a hand in her mouth and stood on my thighs.

She looked at me and smiled. I smiled back, but it quickly faded seeing her little nose. It was definitely Jamie's and it broke my heart.


	8. Chapter 8: The Truth

Carlos, Logan, James and myself walked into the station. I ignored the glares form fellow officers, knowing I could be walking into get fired.

"You four!" I cringed hearing the Captains voice and turned to see him walking out of his office. "My office now!" I followed in after Carlos with James and Carlos behind me. The door slammed and I sat down next to Carlos. We were quiet as he walked behind his desk and sat down grabbing a stress ball. He looked through papers and picked one up. "A 911 call from a Mrs. Maria Velazquez saying two men, white, burst through the door, shot her brother in laws dead and then tied her up. When she recognized one of them as a cop, seeing the badge placed neatly on his left hip…" I looked down and yanked it off gently putting on his desk, him glaring at me. "She then proceeded to tell them where his wife was, and they left a minute later holding onto his baby." He put the paper back down and looked over my shoulder. "Henderson right…"

"Captain this was all me…"

"Did I say you could speak?" I leaned back in my chair, scolded and looked to the side at Carlos who was staring at me. "You didn't do any shooting?"

"No sir. But if given the chance I would have to save his little girl." I looked up at the Captain and he stopped squeezing the ball. "Sir." Logan added the sir for good measure and the Captain nodded smiling small.

"We could definitely use a guy like you."

"I think I'll stay to arriving after the shooting sir." The Captain chuckled and looked next to me.

"And where the hell where you two…I assume you were with him…Maslow right?" I looked back and James nodded.

"We followed the van…Captain they have her pumped up with drugs. She's dealing out." The Captain sat back and sighed.

"Where is your daughter." I sat up and took my jacket off.

"At Logan's house with his mother and father and two units." He nodded and shook his head.

"I can't believe I'm actually going to be doing this but…your back on the case." Carlos perked up and I scrunched my eyebrows.

"Why?"

"Well…" He set down his stress ball and rubbed his eyes. "It seems my mistake was thinking you two would stay away. I figure I'd rather have you two doing things the legal way, than scaring the fuck out of innocent people."

"Innocent? Captain I don't care if she's not a part of it, she had my daughter."

"With that being said I would like to watch you two, and know that you're doing things because their an order. Now I want to know how you figured out where they were." Carlos looked at each other quick and I swallowed hard.

"Well…I may have withheld some information…" I looked back at him slow and he grabbed the stress ball…again.

"Like what?"

"Like the plate number for the van." I said it quietly and he threw the ball between Carlos and myself and it hit the wall hard. "I'm sorry! I don't like leaving the fate of my family in the hands on two F.B.I. agents captain!" He stood up and so did we. Either he was going to yell at us, or threaten to take my badge.

"You pull another god damn stunt like that and taking your badge Schmidt! And I'm not fucking around this time! Out of my office and get some fucking work done!" Carlos and I shoved James and Logan out before us. "Close my door!" I closed it and walked quickly to my desk. Carlos and I stared at each other and he chuckled.

"Shut the hell up Pena…" He laughed and turned his computer on.

"I need to track down that van again…they probably changed locations." I nodded and noticed Logan and James were whispering to each other. They looked over at me and Logan walked to me.

"We just got a call and we got to go…"

"Don't worry about it…we got more back up now." I smiled but he didn't. "What?"

"There was an accident at that old warehouse…it blew up Kendall."

"Logan we got to go…" He pulled him out and Logan shook his head. I turned to Carlos and he got up quick. We grabbed our jackets and ran out, both hoping and praying no one was in it.

When we got there, there was already two ambulances, neither of them James and Logan, and three fire trucks, still fighting down the flames. It was windy and hot, making the conditions worse. I got out feeling my stomach turn seeing the black van. I ran to it, pushing past fire fighters who tried to stop me. I opened the back door of the van and saw rope, but that was it. I turned and saw Carlos explaining. Another fire fighter ran to me, taking off his helmet.

"I'm sorry detective but there was no one here." I sighed out and nodded my head.

The next few seconds, reminded me of an action movie. From behind me there was a loud bang. I covered my head quick, hoping no debris would hit me. The firefighter I was just taking to pulled me down and covered my back with his body, covered the inflame resistant jacket. I heard stuff fly by and looked up seeing a piece of wood on fire. He lifted us up slowly and put a hand on my shoulder.

"You need to get back." I nodded and quicker than last time, there was another explosion…this time I had no chance to duck and cover. I was hit hard in the back and fell right on to the piece of wood on fire. I screamed out, but I couldn't hear anything. The explosion was so loud, I feared I was suddenly def. I was quickly turned around and the firer fighter yanked off his coat and threw it on my shirt, which was in flames. It burned…bad. He patted me down and it only made it feel worse. I screamed out again and heard my name being yelled. I looked back and saw Carlos being held back by two large firefighters, who were cautiously looking at the warehouse in flames. If this was the house for cooking…there was going to be many more explosions.

"There's…there's chemicals in there…we need to move back." The firefighter looked down at me wide eyed and nodded. He got behind me and picked up under my shoulders and dragged me back. I looked up at the worried face and figured this was his first real huge fire. He didn't look a day over 18, and here he was dragging my old, beat up ass away. "Okay you can stop." I heard fast footsteps and he stopped. I watched Carlos run to my side and fall to his knees. "Carlos I'm fine. I just got the wind knocked out of me." The jacket was pulled off my body and I sat up. Big mistake. I looked down and felt woozy. My shirt, once white was now black and burned open. And then I saw the red, pulsing skin that once was just my flesh. I had second, maybe even third degree burns. I fell back and closed my eyes.

"Shit…Kendall…it's…it's going to be okay…" I looked up at Carlos and he was having a hard time looking at me. My chest and stomach where burned, and I felt sick. "Can we get a medic please?" I closed my eyes and the only thing I could see was Jamie walking down the aisle to me. She looked so beautiful that day. I mean, she looked beautiful every day…but this was super beauty. I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at the black smoke that was covering the early morning sky. "Henderson?! Maslow?!" I turned my head slightly to the left and felt the tears leave my eyes. I saw my two other best friends, in uniform running towards me, being cautioned by the fire fighters. I looked back up at the sky, and slowly closed my eyes.

I don't know if I could tell you how it feels to be high. I don't really remember much. I do remember having a talk with Kendall one time about heroin and he said most people, depending on how often they use, will try to fight. Their body won't want to let the drug over take their body…or something like that.

When I woke up, I was tied again, but this time to a bed. My hands were tight on the head board, but my legs were free. I had something covering my eyes, I couldn't see anything but back. I tried talking but something was shoved in my mouth. I wiggled in my confines and heard a door open. I stopped moving and swallowed hard.

"What do we do with her? Those guys were cops…and her husband…"

"Shut up…don't let her know…okay…I got it. Strip her down." I panicked again and tried crying out. I felt someone get on the bed and tried lifting my legs to push them away, but my jeans were already being undone. They were yanked off fast and I felt tears leave my eyes. "Cut her shirt off. I don't want to take any chances with her being untied." I heard scissors and felt the white shirt get cut from the bottom to the top. After a few more cuts the shirt was off and I was left exposed, except for my panties.

"Now what?" I hear someone else get on the bed and again tried crying out.

"Well now we tell her the truth." I breathed hard. "You let your little girl die." I panicked and started thrashing around on the bed. "You failed us, and we had to kill her. How does that make you feel?" I closed my eyes and cried hard. All I could think of was when I gave birth to her and Kendall told me how beautiful she was. "Your husband tried saving her from the fire…" I cried out more, and felt a hand on my stomach slowly make its way up to my chest. "But he was crushed, by the frame of the building. He probably died from the flames first though. I was told he screamed and cried like a little bitch. Does that make you feel proud that he died as a bitch?" The hand went over my left boob and I wiggled underneath him, trying to get him to stop. "You have nothing left in this world…and you're still going to fight?" I again wiggled under him and the hand left my breast. I screamed, only to have it muffled by my gag. "Okay pick her up and take her to the car. Where dropping her off."


	9. Chapter 9: What's The Point?

"I am again stuck in the god damn hospital while she is out there…and no one is doing a god damn thing!" Carlos sighed and loosened his tie.

"DO you want me to go Kendall?"

"No! Not you!" Carlos sat back and I closed my eyes gritting my teeth at the pain.

"I think he needs more morphine." I looked up to see James and Logan walk in. James had two cups of coffee and handed one to Carlos.

"You want the doctor Kendall?" Logan sat next to me and I shook my head.

"No I want to leave so I can do my job." I heard three collective sighs and closed my eyes again. It went quiet and I was slowly letting the sand man take over my body and my mind. I snapped awake hearing footsteps and someone clearing their throat. I sat up quick, and laid back down quicker remembering the IV in my arm and the pain in my back and chest. I again gritted my teeth. And clenched the sheets. The Captain walked over to my bed and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"They have some things they would like to talk to you about." I looked around the Captain and saw the two F.B.I. walk in nodding at Carlos and the other two. The Captain took a seat by my bed and the agents stood at the end of my bed.

"Well…what?" I was defiantly sassy…but I didn't care.

"Detective we have more news on Carly's case. She didn't die form Ecstasy overdoes. It was heroin." I scrunched my eyebrows and the other suit cleared his throat.

"We found a track mark between her toes. She was a typical junkie."

"She was 16." They both stared at me and Carlos got up and stood on the other side of my bed. "You two cant believe this girl did it because she was a heroin addict, do you? She tried ex and when they convinced her it wasn't enough…they shot her up with heroin." They looked at each other and the Captain sighed.

"Look…you guys can get back to work. I'll fill him in on the rest."

"What about my wife? I managed to find my daughter…which was your job. Where is my wife?"

"We don't know…" I chuckled and laid my head back closing my eyes. "Call if you need us Gibbs." I opened my eyes in time to see them walking out and I shook my head.

"That's a fucking joke right Captain. Please tell me this is some sick joke that your letting them go find my wife."

"Kendall they are doing their best. We lost any kind of lead after the explosion. They are gone without a trace."

"That's nto what I want to hear Captain. And if they were trying their best she would be here with me right now." I spat it out at him like it was venom. And he took it like venom. He got up and looked at Carlos.

"Let me know if you guys need anything." He walked out of the room, without as so much as another glance towards me. The door was shut quietly and James and Logan laughed.

"Dude I think you scared the shit out of those two dudes." James walked to the seat the Captain was in and shook his head.

"Literally." Carlos sounded pleased, but I couldn't find anything good, or funny.

"Get this out of my arm. I have to find her." They all stopped moving and I looked at Logan pleadingly. I pointed to the IV in my arm and he swallowed hard.

"Kendall you are seriously hurt. You can't leave."

"Don't tell me what I can and cannot do." I shot Carlos a dirty look who looked away. "Either you help me, or I go alone." OI sat up, slowly and let out a painful grunt. I was hurt…but it would be worse knowing something happened or she was …

I have to stop thinking like that or otherwise I would definitely go insane. I laid back and closed my eyes. My mind was superman, while my body was nothing. It was giving up. I couldn't fight it, or pretend to be in good shape. Here I was again. Weak. Pathetic. Worthless.

I was placed in what I assumed to be a trunk. We drove, for what felt like hours, and when we stopped, I was left alone. I was forgotten. Again.

It wasn't that I blamed Kendall. No. I just wished, he would have been able to…

The tears left my eyes and I screamed into my gag. He couldn't be gone. I had lost him already. He couldn't be gone. And Alicia…she was only 2 months old…I screamed again. I started kicking my legs and punching my arms up at the trunk. I was felling something…completely new. It was anger and absolute rage. I didn't care what they did to me at this point. I could care less if they put a bullet in my head. Without Kendall and Alicia…what was the point?

**SO THIS WAS A SHORT CHAPTER…BUT IT'S SETTIGN UP FOR SOMETHING…SOMETHING BIG! I HOPE EVERYONE IS LIKIGN SO FAR. THANKS FRO READING!**


	10. Chapter 10: Couldn't Agree

I had fallen asleep in a car trunk. When I woke up, I was still half naked, only panties on. I wasn't tied anymore…but it didn't matter. I couldn't move. My memory was a little fuzzy, but if I remember correctly, I had a baseball bat hit me hard a couple times. Once in the head, a couple in my ribs, and I even think one in my right knee.

I flipped my body over onto my back. It was an effort, but I wanted to see where I was. When I looked up, all I saw was bright blue sky. I turned my head and saw black burned things. I was in a burned down building. I looked back up at the sky, and felt tears leave the corner of my eyes.

This couldn't be the same place Kendall and Alicia…no! That couldn't be! They wouldn't do that to me! They couldn't…no please God no!

I rolled my body back to stomach and started pushing myself up. I got up on my left knee and quickly pushed myself to stand up. My head was swarming, and when I saw the whole building burned down I screamed out. I limped around; trying to find a sign that it wasn't true…but all I found was a little white sock, with a pink bow on the side. I limped to it, screaming and crying. I fell to the floor next to the sock and picked it up. It was Alicia's.

I screamed out, and looked around. Someone has to hear me. I looked out at the street and screamed help. Nothing. No car, no dog walkers, no nothing. I closed my eyes and let my body fall on the ground, curling up into a ball. My whole body hurt, but the worst was my heart. I have never been this heart broken, or destroyed, I could actually hear and feel my heart break.

"Nathan…what is that?" I slowly opened my eyes and saw two people, holding hands, walking slowly to the burned down rubble.

"Call 911. It's that wife of the detective…" I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. The man ran over quick yanking off his jacket, and kneeling down next to me. "Ma'am are you hurt?" All I could do was nod. He put his jacket over my bare back and the women he was with came next to him, talking, crying, into the phone. I closed my eyes again, and squeezed around the little sock, still in my hand.

"Please hurry!" I pushed out more tears and felt myself being picked up carefully. "Yes I'm sure it's her!" I opened my eyes and the man was picking me up, putting me in his arms. He sat down and put me in his lap, covering my exposed body quick with his jacket. "Yes the same place he…" I screamed out, hearing her confirm my husbands death. The man squeezed around me and shook his head.

"I'm so sorry."

I watched Logan's mom walk in, holding onto my daughter. I pushed myself up in the bed and held back a groan of pain. When Alicia lifted her head, and saw me, she let out a shriek and giggled, reaching out. I lifted my arms, and Logan's mom carefully put her in my arms. I set her on my lap, not wanting her little body to touch the burns on my chest.

"God she is such an angle."

"I know…she didn't give you a hard time?" His mom sat down as Logan walked in, still in uniform and handed her a cup of coffee. She shook her head and took a sip. I sighed and looked into the little green eyes. I let her tiny hands squeeze around two of my fingers ad she giggled. "Have you guys heard anything?" I turned to Logan and then to the door, where Carlos walked in, with James behind him.

"Yeah actually…" Carlos quickly moved to the side of my bed and sat down rubbing his eyes. "Captain said those two dark suits found Ghost." I looked at him, waiting for more and he sighed looking at Alicia. "She wasn't with him. And when he ratted out the rest of the guys…she was nowhere to be found." My heart dropped and I sat back, with Alicia still holding onto my fingers. "They said they don't know where she is." I squeezed my eyes tight shut and shook my head. "We're still looking but…"

His voice was cut off by a voice from the radio on Logan's hip. I looked up quick and he grabbed it, answering it.

"Henderson here."

"_Logan you made a point to make sure we told you and Maslow if we hear anything on Mrs. Schmidt." _I sat up quick and he set down his coffee, turning the radio up.

"Yes and?"

"_We just got a call from a women, who is saying her and her husband found a girl on the ground at the old warehouse that just burned down. She's not in good shape, crying screaming…you two are the first to be called." _James and Logan both got up quick and ran out of the room.

"Wait!" I screamed as I watched them run down the hall. Carlos got up and sighed.

"I'll go with them! I'll call when I see her." He ran out, all of them leaving me quick. I looked over at Logan's mom and she gave a warm smile.

"She's going to be alright Kendall." I nodded but for some reason I couldn't agree with her.


	11. Chapter 11: I'm Okay

"_You really think having a relationship with this girl would do any damage?"_

"_Logan she's a victim…I'm the cop…yes I can see damage written all over it." He sighed and looked out the front window of my car. I had picked him up to have lunch. It's been a week since I first met her, and all I could do was think about her._

"_Carlos is worried you're going to get way into it and go crazy, killing the whole mob."_

"_Maybe I will."_

"_Don't be a jackass." I looked over at him and he shook his head, eating a fry. "Look, I'm not saying I agree with him. I just think, maybe you should let your heart be in command this time, instead of your dumb head, and dumb partner." I laughed and took a sip of my drink. "Take what we're doing right now as an example. You're staking out her work. And I know, it's not because you think someone will try to hurt her…you just want to see her. Tell me what you think that is?"_

"_Me doing my job." I felt a hard slap to my head and turned to him quick._

"_Kendall! Its call love you moron! You love that girl, and the sooner you admit it, the easier your life will be!" He continued to stare at me and I looked back out the window. "Please do not let her slip through your fingers…" As he spoke I watched her walk to a table in the corner, putting down two cups of coffee, smiling. I looked away, knowing every word Logan said, he was exactly right._

"Kendall!" I opened my eyes quick and saw Logan leaning over me, pale, with wide eyes. "Jesus Christ dude! What did you do?" I blinked a couple of times adjusting to the light and noticed, the ceiling was much to far away. Then I felt something cold, and hard on my back. I was on the floor, in my hospital room. I was gently pulled up and the pain in my chest intensified. "Shit we got to get your IV back in you…Maslow!" I squeezed my eyes shut tight and the pounding in my head worsened when he yelled.

My dream…it was painful. The memory of when I realized I was in Love with her…Jamie…was the day, my whole life turned upside down. I wasn't this hard shelled cop who liked catching criminals any more. I was soft, and I was loving. _And I was okay with it._

Logan tried lifting me, but my body had given up. I couldn't go on, knowing she wasn't with me. I heard footsteps and saw James. He had blood on his face, and his arms. I got confused but remained quiet.

"Why is he out of bed?"

"I think he fell out. His IV got ripped out though." James got behind me, and carefully picked up under my armpits. Logan put his hand o n my sides as James, effortlessly lifted me up. I was set on my bed and the pain in my chest, and now back, forced a small groan out.

"Did you tell him?" I looked between them and Logan looked down shaking his head. "Why not?"

"Tell me what?" James sighed and worked on my IV.

"We have her Kendall. She's getting a cast on her knee right now." I sat up quick and swung my legs over the side of the bed. Logan pulled me back and sighed.

"That's why I didn't tell him. He needs to rest."

"I want to see her…"

"And you will." James pushed the IV back in my arm and I fell back, gritting my teeth. "Just know she's fine. She's got a broken knee, and probably will have a horrible headache when she wakes up." I closed my eyes and a blanket was pulled up on my body.

"The guys…the ones who took her…they told her you and Alicia had died and it was her fault." I opened my eyes quick and Logan nodded tucking me under the blanket. "That's why she was so upset. It took the whole ride over to convince her. When my mom hurried to us with Alicia she cried hard, but still wasn't satisfied. SO we wheeled her to your room and calmed down seeing you sleeping."

"Why was I on the floor?"

"You tell me?" Logan gave me a stupid smile and I turned to James.

"Where's Carlos?"

"Sitting with her. He's holding Alicia until she's all set up." I nodded and let out a low breath. They went quiet and looked around awkward. I cleared my throat and pushed myself up, ignoring the shooting pain in my chest.

"You guys don't have to stay…"

"It's not that we don't want to…we just have work still."

"Guys go. I'll be fine." They both nodded and walked out, waving one last time before closing the door.

"Is that your mommy?" There was a loud shriek and giggles and I smiled, looking over at Carlos, who hadn't stopped smiling since he saw me. "Yes that's your mom!" Alicia reached out and tried grabbing me, but I was too far away, and in too much pain.

"When can I see Kendall? Like really see him?" Carlos stood up, putting Alicia on his hip.

"When your all bandaged up and cleaned up. I don't think Kendall can handle seeing you like this." I nodded and put my head back as my knee was still being wrapped in a cast. My whole body was on fire and I closed my eyes.

About two minutes went by until I realized something. I sat up a little and Carlos looked at me concerned.

"Wait! Why is he in the hospital!" Carlos let out a chuckle and Alicia reached up grabbing his nose.

"The warehouse you were in…when we got to it, it was burning down. When Kendall saw the van you were taken in, he panicked and ran to it. The firefighters told us no one was in the building." Carlos started rocking back and forth making Alicia laugh. "As he was walking away…the chemicals in the building caught fire and the building exploded. A piece of wood on fire fell by him. Another explosion went off and he was hit in the back. He fell on the wood on fire. He was second degree burns on his chest and stomach." I slowly fell back and sighed. "He's alright. I mean, he's in pain, and the doctor said his scars aren't going to be pretty…but he's a strong dude." I looked up at the ceiling and the doctors sighed.

"Okay Mrs. Schmidt. You are all bandaged up. Your knee was the only thing broken, and you are going to be in some pain for a while but, that is it. You have a small concussion and I would strongly advise you didn't do to much walking or moving." I nodded and they both turned to Carlos. "I think we can get Kendall in a chair and wheel him over here, if he is awake."

"I am." I sat up straight and saw Kendall in a wheel chair trying to push himself in the room. The doctors quickly moved to him and helped him in. He quickly got out of the chair, much to the protest of the doctors and walked himself over to my bed. I extended my hand and the moment our hands touched, I closed my eyes and let him crash into me carefully.


	12. Chapter 12: Father and Husband

"Please sit down." I didn't let her hand go and felt something hit the back of my legs. I turned and Carlos was smiling, trying to get me to sit back in my wheel chair. I sat down and Alicia reached for me. He set her down in my lap, carefully. I looked back at Jamie who was lying back smiling, silent tears coming down.

"I'll…uhh…I'll let you guys talk." Carlos patted my shoulder, softly and waved at Jamie as he walked out. As soon as the door closed I wrapped an arm around Alicia and reached up again grabbing Jamie's soft small hand.

"Kendall?" I looked in her crying eyes and nodded. "Am I going to be addicted to heroin now?" I let out a chuckle and she sat up wiping her eyes. "It's not funny! I don't want to be a heroin addict!"

"Baby you're not going to be…" She huffed and sighed, laying back down. "Do you want to do drugs?" She sat up fast again, mouth open. I laughed and Alicia giggled.

"No of course not!"

"Well then stop worrying…" I sat back relaxing and she quickly grabbed my hand. "How are you feeling everywhere else baby?" She slowly rolled her upper body, to face me and sighed reaching for Alicia who squealed out and wrapped around her fingers.

"Fine…they gave me some pain medicine. I'm actually surprised the bat to my ribs and head didn't do more damage." I looked away, pissed at myself for letting that happen to her. "I was so scared. I didn't know what they were going to do to Alicia…and I kept waiting for them to just kill me or whatever…it was…" She stopped and I quickly wiped the tears away from my eyes. "I'm sorry…I'll stop."

"No I'm sorry. This shouldn't have happened. I should have never let them in our house. I should have forced them to take me instead." She squeezed my hand and a hard burn ripped through my chest. I let go of her hand and put my hand over the burns on my chest.

"What's wrong?" She sat up on her elbow still holding on to Alicia's hand.

"Nothing…it just burns." We locked eyes and she bent down and tugged at my gown. She pushed it down off my collar bone and shoulder and sighed out when my chest came into vision. It was absolutely disgusting. I looked away from her knowing, at any moment soon, she was going to leave me, for a normal looking guy.

"Look at me." I closed my eyes and shook my head. "Baby…I'm sorry this happened to you…I…." I looked at her and she sighed reaching down at my chest.

I was expecting a horrible burn when her fingertips came into contact with my skin, but they were so cool…I closed my eyes and gasped out.

'"Oh my God I'm sorry! Babe I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"No…" I opened my eyes and leaned forward grabbing her small delicate wrist and pressing it lightly on my scars. I closed my eyes again and shivered. "It feels so…so good babe. Your hand is so cold." She relaxed her hand and I heard a sigh. "I thought for sure you would leave me." I slowly opened her eyes and she let go of Alicia. There was a sharp slap to the side of my head and I rubbed it while she pulled away.

"Owe! What was that for?"

"You think I'm that shallow?" Another slap to my head and I smiled.

"I wouldn't have blamed you from leaving." Another slap and I sat back out of reach of her hand. "Okay I'm sorry. Your right." She laid back and grabbed Alicia's hand again.

"Sometimes Schmidt…you make me want to strangle you." I laughed and leaned back close to her.

"Can I have a kiss?" She giggled and leaned forward. Our lips touched, for the first time in days, and I smiled into it. We probably would have made out the rest of the night, but a small hand came up to my chin and poked it. I pulled away and looked down. Alicia was looking up with one finger in her mouth. I laughed and Jamie's hand ran through my hair. I sat back in my chair and felt the morphine slowly, lulling me to sleep. "I'm sorry if I fall asleep on you…" She laughed and we grabbed hands again.

"It's alright…hand up Alicia." I placed a quick kiss to her head and handed her to Jamie who placed her in her arms and laid her down.

"I can call Logan's mom…she said whenever we needed her to watch Alicia…"

"That's sweet of her, but I'd like to sit with my family right now handsome." I smiled and nodded. I sat back in my chair and gave out a loud, hard yawn. "Go to sleep baby…I'll be here when you wake up." I fluttered my eyes, and soon my eyes closed, and I drifted into a dreamless, hard, happy sleep.

When I did wake up, she was still there. I was still in my chair, and slowly opened my eyes peeking at who she was talking to. She was sitting in her bed, with Alicia in her arms, sleeping. I closed my eyes again, hearing her talking.

"I kept telling myself after they told me they had dies…that I didn't want to live any more. And I wanted to fight, just so they could kill me."

"I'm sorry. I can't…I'm glad your back and you and Alicia are safe. I just wish I hadn't seen Kendall that way." It wen t quiet and quilt and nausea rushed through my body. Logan probably saw me at my worst. He would know. "I honestly think this is his last straw. I mean I can't tell you for sure but…I don't know how he could want to keep doing this after…" She interrupted him and I felt my body tense up.

"I don't know if I want him to keep doing it." It went dead silent and I heard a small sigh and then a outburst of cries. "I think she needs a change…"

"Here I'll do it. We should probably wake up Kendal too. He needs to eat with that morphine."

"Do you have to wake him…he looks so peaceful…and already awake?" I slowly opened my eyes and smiled. "Kendall Francis Schmidt, how long have you been awake?" I sat up and stretched my sore body.

"Since she started crying." Logan walked over to me, and was still wearing his uniform. "Have you been home yet?" He smiled bright at me and shook his head.

"No. I got a call…from this one…" He pointed back to Jamie and checked the IV bag standing next to my chair. "She said she wanted to talk, and she needed help with Alicia." I looked at her and she was trying desperately to stop her crying.

"Well get home dude…I can take care of my girls now." He raised his hands and shrugged his shoulders.

"Okay. I'm gone. You know my number." He patted my shoulder and walked to Jamie. He gave her a kiss to the head and did the same to Alicia. "Have fun you three." He walked out waving, and I waved until he was out of sight.

"You want me to quit. For real this time?"

"I knew you were listening! You eves dropper!" I laughed and pushed myself out of my chair. My back was so sore, and stretching it kind of helped. I slowly walked to the other side of the room and opened up the baby bag Logan's mom got for us. "Kendall I just…"

"I'm going to quit." I grabbed a new diaper, the wipes and baby powder. I walked back to her bed and she was avoiding eye contact. I set the things down and sighed, taking Alicia, still crying her eyes out, and laid her flat on her back on the bed. I slowly changed her, my body screaming at me to rest and stop moving, but I ignored it.

"I don't want you to quit because of me." She was quiet and when I looked up she was still looking away from me. I sighed and put my hands outside of Alicia who had stopped crying but still sniffling.

"Baby girl…the sooner you realize everything I do is because of you, the easy life will be for you." She looked up at me quick and I leaned in kissing her forehead.

"But you love your job!" I pulled away and continued changing her and laughed,

"Actually…I don't." We locked eyes and I tightened the diaper on Alicia. I gracefully tossed the dirty diaper in the trash an pulled Alicia up into a sitting position. "I mean…damn. I used to love my job. You have no idea how much I loved going to work every day, just so I could feel the rush of chasing down bad guys and beating the shit out of him, not literally. I was the big man. I was a tough bad ass."

"You still are." I laughed and picked Alicia up walking back to my chair. Definitely had to sit.

"Yes on some level I am. But guess what babe?" She looked up, tucking hair behind her ear. "I don't need that anymore. There was a time in my life when I thought…running around town, saving people from…thieves and murders…would fill me. It would make me feel useful and wanted. Now…I have something else to make me feel that way." She smiled and turned away. "You and Alicia are the only two things that matter to me. You give me the rush. Alicia…she is the only thing in this town, besides you of course that I would kill for. And…I think Gibbs…he needs a break from me"

"Baby…are you sure?"

"I'll give my two weeks the next time I see Captain."

"What about Carlos?" I laughed and shook my head. Alicia was now bouncing in my lap, chewing on her hand.

"Carlos is a big boy. There was a time he was ready to quit to be with his family…I think he'll understand." We locked eyes and she sighed lying back on the bed. She yawned and rubbed her eyes. "Get some sleep. I will never let something happen to you or her again." She smiled at me and nodded.

I watched her slowly force herself to go to sleep. When her eyes closed, I looked down at Alicia and smiled. Alicia let out a sigh, probably of boredom. I laughed and quickly wheeled myself to the baby bag, with her in my lap. I opened it up and found an abundance of toys. She quickly grabbed one and squealed. I laughed and felt around in the bag for some juice or a snack for her to eat. I stopped when I felt something, cold and sharp. I pulled it out, and my heart stopped. It was a picture taken a minute after Jamie gave birth to Alicia. She was holding her small crying red body, while she herself cried. I sat back looking down at the picture and smiled. Her hair was still up from the wedding. Her cheeks and nose were red, from pushing and crying. Her left hand, holding under her small head, shined bright from her rings. Out of the corner of the picture frame I could see an arm and a hand, running through her hair. It was my hand and she was looking up at me, while Carlos Logan and James stood behind me, smiling and laughing. Carlos was snapping pictures, even though she insisted, she looked to ugly and blotchy for pictures. The looked she was giving me…was of love. And pride. And most importantly safety.

I only ever wanted to see that look on her face again. And I knew the only way to do that…to ensure my family and the love of my life was safe, happy and loving, would be to quit my job. But that's looking at it negatively. I'm not quitting a job…just making time for a new one.

Father and Husband.

**SO THE END! I THINK THIS IS A PERFECT PLACE TO END THIS…AND I'M NTO SURE IF THERE WILL BE MORE. I DON'T KNOW YET…IF ANYONE HAS SUGGESTIONS…HIT A GIRL UP!**


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